Kim Jong Il reported of safe harboring "Charlie" the Elephant

North Korean Communist Leader Kim Jong Il has announced he will be letting "Charlie" the Elephant stay within his country as long as he wishes. During a news cast the President responded:"Erephant stay! He good aminral! He do no Wrong! Anyone twiy to capture him, I consider act of Waw! Kim Jong great man, I ruler of fwree nation!"

No other comments were allowed by the N. Korean government except to let the world know Kim hits 3-4 hole-in-ones per game of golf he plays, and that his 23rd opera he wrote will be released next month titled: "My ronerey Erephant".

"Charlie" the Elephant makes Perez Hilton

"Charlie" the Elephant has again landed in the celebrity gossip spotlight after a meltdown at the Los Angeles Courthouse. A bad verdict caused the estranged beast to attack the van of his Attorney, smashing, and tipping it over. Charlie is back in the custody of the LAPD and awaiting another trail, without bail.

Clown Gangs Causing Concern...

(C-11 Gang, pictured throwing up gang-sign)

Clown gangs have been creating issues all across the United States, mostly in metropolitan areas. Most are traveling through subway systems and via taxi, as clowning isn't really a high paying market. Most members of clown gangs are only concerned with Cotton Candy trafficking and maintaining their territory, but in some cases they've been seen wandering the city, setting random circular objects on fire and jumping through them.

Besides arson and black-market sales, they are also guilty of vandalism. They often put graffiti to mark their territory to warn rival clown gangs who are trying to move into their cotton candy cash. Police have yet to issue any statements about this phenomena.

Cotton Candy Abuse On The Rise!

A dangerous new trend has been on the rise for clowns ages 19-38, smoking cotton candy. Typically viewed as a tasty and unique sugary treat, the whole concept of actually smoking the substance is viewed as taboo by most. Most users are rolling up the substance in cigarette papers or stuffing it into an emptied cigarette.

Most users end up suffering intense health problems, but as most users are depressed and wish for death, the health issues seem to be what attracts them to it. Often reffered to as 'the candy,' or 'fruit of the loom', it's slowly becoming an epidemic among todays working class clown.

Doctors are perplexed by this new trend saying "this wouldn't even be enjoyable to smoke," and adds "anyone who considers smoking cotton candy needs serious help."

Threatening post --- from CHARLIE?

We've received a strange e-mail from what appears to be Charlie,
or a Charlie impersonator. Charlie has been rumored to have a
violent temper, but nobody's been able to prove anything so far.

It's important readers understand there are alot of people
who are jealous of Circus Charlie's enormous success, so please
don't assume this was necessarily him.

Allegations of Charlie involved in foul play!

The Circus Weekly has reported that Circus Charlie has been
accused of 'inappropriate conduct,' by a woman in South Dakota.



Charlie's Lawyer shot back saying, 'Charlie does not know this
woman and has never once been to South Dakota,' we will keep you
posted as soon as more information surfaces.

Movie ad campaign causes controversy!

What began as a mere advertising stunt has begun to have severe consequences. After ads were posted saying 'wwcd (what would charlie do),' people started posting it themselves all over their offices, homes and schools. It didn't take long for it to start growing- mostly popular with the 'emo crowd' in high-schools across the nation; it's become a widespread religious phenomena that most spiritual groups are calling 'downright offensive.'


(Picture courtesy of San Bernadino High)

SCANDAL!! Princess seen kissing Charlie!

Scandal rocked the 8-bit world today as rumors
of Mario's promiscuous princess have been proven
to be true! Paparazzi caught this picture of them
'just hanging out' at a night-club in south beach
miami.

Princess claims they are 'just friends and nothing
more,' but reports have been coming in that Mario
is currently not speaking with her. He's quoted to
have said 'She's a notta mah princessa no moreh.'

Charlie The Elephant Also With The Princess???

This just in!!! It seems later that same night, the Princess was seen at "Charlie" the Lions after party kissing "Charlie" the Elephant!!!! This could create even more turmoil between Mario and Peach, as well as the Elephant and Circus Charlie.